Control

This was a terrifying book for me. The idea of such an abject loss of control over your own life, and especially handing that control to somebody else, is a very scary prospect to me. Herman's life, as he ages, very clearly spirals out of his control. Obviously nobody has total control, but this was a strong, determined man who had everything going for him. He was physically capable, mentally sharp, and I guess he had a fairly large member, which I thought was an odd point to make. But I guess autobiographies can be like that. Anyways, he had moved far enough up the corporate ladder that he had 55 people under his command, and this at a point where he believed that there was significant anti-Semitic belief in the corporate world. And while he had so much control over his life, and over others, his life was great. His family was stable, his wife seemed perfect, his sons were successful, and all was well. But once he retired, it all began to fall apart. He worked in humanitarian efforts and volunteered, but it is impossible to even attempt to control things there. In fact, working with those less fortunate only offers examples of how little control we sometimes have. Anyways, he falls back into his family life, where he immediately tries to take control. He tries to be his wife's boss, when she worked perfectly fine all those years being her own. He needed something to control, and with his children gone, she was all he had. But she fought back. She made it known she didn't need him to be in control, and I think that got to him. He kept trying to control her further, prove he was needed or something (I don't really know), and this idea that as a boss, he always knew best, is what killed his wife. But as he ages, and his body and mind start to break down after her death, he begins to lose control. His own body no longer obeys him and in fact works against him. Soon, he can't even trust himself to survive on his own, and his son has to come in to help him. His son makes his decisions, and pushes him to make he right decisions, until he finally concedes control over his own life. The second Philip says "Do as I say" everything changes for Herman. He has completely lost contorl of his own life, and given it to somebody else. Now, Philip is an excellent caretaker, and Herman is surrounded by surviving family and friends who care for him and keep him safe, but I know from personal experience that all too often these caretakers can be less than benevolent. Philip was lucky that he had such support, because often consigning his own life into somebody else's hand can be completely disasterous. And he didn't even have a choice if he wanted to live. That's what's scary to me. That a perfectly healthy and able man was degraded to the point where he could not even control a single aspect of his life. His body betrayed him, and his son's made his decisions. And more than likely we will all reach that point, but only if we are lucky. If we are lucky, we get to lose control and give it somebody else, we only have to live long enough for that to happen. And that is terrifying.